All submissives look within themselves and dissect their submission; many times will come up when they ask themselves if they are really submissive at all. Yet, certain things creep in again and again that get our juices flowing or our antennas up where we “feel” something inside that tells us we are submissive. The thoughts, fantasies, feelings of wanting to be controlled by another person with regard to our intimate relationship are strong cues. For some it remains fantasy and for others who are lucky enough to find their counterpart, it becomes reality.
We all… slaves and submissives alike, will have sporadic internal thoughts of defiance. This is a normal process as we strive to live a life that sometimes seems counter to how we were raised or who we are outside of our primary power exchange relationship. The “ah hah” that we even Have those thoughts says much with regard to our submission. Also, any negative reactions or the “not saying it out loud” becomes more controlled or reduces over time. But they will still occur here and there.
The fact is that we are human, as are our Dominants. That makes the power exchange even more special. Every slave i have ever known has been an amazingly strong and assertive individual. And we all know that our Masters are human, whether we look at them in a “G-dlike” manner or not.
As for surrender… not everyone can surrender themselves to another. It is an extremely vulnerable process; one that many struggle with for long periods of time. Perhaps it is semantics, but i feel that submission and surrender are very different. In my opinion, submission is more the physical and, often, temporary or on and off. Surrender is of the mind, body, soul in a more long term way. i know i am simplifying this, but it’s somewhat how i see it.
How do you get from submission to surrender? Only you can find your path to that. But i will say that the feelings of vulnerability, pride, ego, and all of that can come up and get in the way. But if thoughts of surrender keep niggling at you, then you know you are on the journey of a deeper submission.
my old friend slave demona told me something when i first met Sir. i told her i was having “slave feelings”. Although i never identified that way i was aware of the difference in how i was feeling about him, and reacting to him. Her words became my mantra, which i printed out in large font and taped to my bathroom mirror. They helped immensely:
“ENJOY IT. YOUR INSTINCTS WILL GUIDE YOU. FORGET ABOUT THE REST.”