In many areas of our lives we all have experienced being “different” in some way. Maybe you are gay or have a particular medical condition. With regard to BDSM, since this is a BDSM group, maybe it first was feeling you had a kink. Then you discover BDSM. Some of us closeted it and others were out and defended our interests. You sought out groups like this because you want to find people LIKE YOU.
Then maybe you discovered you are submissive or dominant. Some males, in particular, have felt a difficulty with submission because it isn’t culturally accepted in our male Dominant societies. People don’t get it unless they are LIKE YOU.
Then maybe you discovered you like pain… or giving it… or maybe not. Or you just like to be controlled and feel that fist in your hair. It brings on visceral feelings that you just can’t explain except to others LIKE YOU – Others who are into BDSM, who are submissive at least some of the time. Or you like putting your fist in someone’s hair and watching them yield to your touch…. you dig that control…. people might think you are an abuser unless they are LIKE YOU.
Or maybe you just thought you were kinky or just liked rough sex and then realized that you were a “submissive” or “Dominant” (terms not coined until the 90’s before which Top and Bottom were used) or a “slave”. OMG… a slave! How do you reconcile that? Vanilla people don’t “get” BDSM. And guess what? BDSMers don’t “get” consensual servitude unless they are LIKE YOU.
There is no better or worse. But it is certainly difficult on all sides of the coin when people, even in this “lifestyle” either make you feel like they are better or try to impart the opinion that you think you are better because you are only different and in a minority. It’s a really lonely place to be for many people. Spankers, littles, foot fetishists, latex and rubber lovers, switches, daddies, doms, subs, masters, mistresses (you must be a pro-domme!!) and slaves and more all can feel like they don’t fit here and there… even among our own unless they are LIKE YOU.
So… there is no better or worse in BDSM. We are like snowflakes… we may all be flakes, but no two of us are alike… we are the same, yet unique.