Author Archives: Mayafire

The First Munch


The Palo Alto Burger Munch was the first such regular event of its type in the country and is the event from which all other similar events were patterned after.  It started in April 1992 at a place called Kirk’s Steakburgers in Palo Alto, California by a person named Stella. Hence the name Burger Munch.  It’s direct descendant is the Thursday Palo Alto Munch that still runs to this day, currently held at Cafe Dolce Vida.

Because it is just easier to say “munch” as opposed to “burger munch”, and because munches are held in many types of places other than steak and burger joints, the name munch has become a standard for the vanilla type socials people in the scene attend on a monthly basis.  

It is interesting how history is always in the making.  Since Albany Power eXchange started calling their “munches” Meet and Greets and Friday Soirees (words which more accurately describe the style of the events), several other clubs have decided to use these terms in the place of the word munch.  Perhaps 10 or 20 years from now people will be pondering the origins of the popular Friday Soiree and forget it originated in Albany, New York in November 2000. 

Submissive Struggles


All submissives look within themselves and dissect their submission; many times will come up when they ask themselves if they are really submissive at all. Yet, certain things creep in again and again that get our juices flowing or our antennas up where we “feel” something inside that tells us we are submissive. The thoughts, fantasies, feelings of wanting to be controlled by another person with regard to our intimate relationship are strong cues. For some it remains fantasy and for others who are lucky enough to find their counterpart, it becomes reality.

We all… slaves and submissives alike, will have sporadic internal thoughts of defiance. This is a normal process as we strive to live a life that sometimes seems counter to how we were raised or who we are outside of our primary power exchange relationship. The “ah hah” that we even Have those thoughts says much with regard to our submission. Also, any negative reactions or the “not saying it out loud” becomes more controlled or reduces over time. But they will still occur here and there.

The fact is that we are human, as are our Dominants. That makes the power exchange even more special. Every slave i have ever known has been an amazingly strong and assertive individual. And we all know that our Masters are human, whether we look at them in a “G-dlike” manner or not.

As for surrender… not everyone can surrender themselves to another. It is an extremely vulnerable process; one that many struggle with for long periods of time. Perhaps it is semantics, but i feel that submission and surrender are very different. In my opinion, submission is more the physical and, often, temporary or on and off. Surrender is of the mind, body, soul in a more long term way. i know i am simplifying this, but it’s somewhat how i see it.

How do you get from submission to surrender? Only you can find your path to that. But i will say that the feelings of vulnerability, pride, ego, and all of that can come up and get in the way. But if thoughts of surrender keep niggling at you, then you know you are on the journey of a deeper submission.

my old friend slave demona told me something when i first met Sir. i told her i was having “slave feelings”. Although i never identified that way i was aware of the difference in how i was feeling about him, and reacting to him. Her words became my mantra, which i printed out in large font and taped to my bathroom mirror. They helped immensely:


Like You



In many areas of our lives we all have experienced being “different” in some way. Maybe you are gay or have a particular medical condition.  With regard to BDSM, since this is a BDSM group, maybe it first was feeling you had a kink.  Then you discover BDSM.  Some of us closeted it and others were out and defended our interests.  You sought out groups like this because you want to find people LIKE YOU.

Then maybe you discovered you are submissive or dominant.  Some males, in particular, have felt a difficulty with submission because it isn’t culturally accepted in our male Dominant societies.  People don’t get it unless they are LIKE YOU.
Then maybe you discovered you like pain… or giving it… or maybe not.  Or you just like to be controlled and feel that fist in your hair.  It brings on visceral feelings that you just can’t explain except to others LIKE YOU – Others who are into BDSM, who are submissive at least some of the time.  Or you like putting your fist in someone’s hair and watching them yield to your touch…. you dig that control…. people might think you are an abuser unless they are LIKE YOU.
Or maybe you just thought you were kinky or just liked rough sex and then realized that you were a “submissive” or “Dominant” (terms not coined until the 90’s before which Top and Bottom were used) or a “slave”.  OMG… a slave!  How do you reconcile that?  Vanilla people don’t “get” BDSM.  And guess what?  BDSMers don’t “get” consensual servitude unless they are LIKE YOU.
There is no better or worse.  But it is certainly difficult on all sides of the coin when people, even in this “lifestyle” either make you feel like they are better or try to impart the opinion that you think you are better because you are only different and in a minority.  It’s a really lonely place to be for many people.  Spankers, littles, foot fetishists, latex and rubber lovers, switches, daddies, doms, subs, masters, mistresses (you must be a pro-domme!!) and slaves and more all can feel like they don’t fit here and there… even among our own unless they are LIKE YOU.
So… there is no better or worse in BDSM.  We are like snowflakes…  we may all be flakes, but no two of us are alike… we are the same, yet unique.